1. I get upset when I feel like someone is tainting or sullying something I like. If I don't happen to like that person, their mere association with something I like is enough to achieve that end. It may be childish but, so be it.
2. I have been going through my picture files on my computer, lately. In many of those folders there are pictures of my ex boyfriend. I wouldn't say that the pictures make me sad. I could never delete the pictures; they're mine and they're extremely important to me. I think what bothers me about it is that we were unable to maintain a friendship. I take part of the blame for that. That doesn't change, however, the fact that I lost my boyfriend and my best friend in one fell swoop and it feels like I'm the only one who cares; I'm the only one who mourned. I still see him in things... like when I saw this, I was super suspicious. Then I smacked myself in the face and told myself not to be so self-absorbed.
To this day, I can't watch Important Things With Demetri Martin because I promised I would always wait for him to watch the show. Every episode sat on my DVR, unwatched, for over six months after we broke up. The day I finally deleted them, I almost cried. When he and I were together, I was harder and tougher. Since we broke up, I'm more emotional. I'm quieter. I'm more patient. I never yell. I'm more sentimental. I feel like now, I'm all those things he was trying to make me be. Funny how things works out.
3. I have had possibly the worst year of my life. In December, my last living grandparent died and I had to go to Florida to clean out her house. I spent my Christmas dealing with crematoriums and the VA cemetery in Tampa. That same month, my step mother had to go into the hospital for surgery and she has been there ever since. She and my father have since divorced. Then in June, my dog Fifi died.
She was 15. I had had her for 14 years. One day she was fine, the next she couldn't walk, eat, drink, or hold her head up. She just stared around and her eyes rolled. The vet said she most likely had a brain tumor. I held her while she died. To this day, I still have the towel I had wrapped around her as we drove to the vet. I can't wash it because then she'll be gone. Her ashes sit on a shelf in my living room and since she died, my other dog Elvis has gone insane.
He self-mutilates which is basically the dog form of cutting. My dog is emo. I'm a failure as a dog parent. Then I got really really sick and my liver stopped working the way it's supposed to. I had to go through a miraid of tests and what have you. I can't drink or take anything with Tylenol in it. I'm 21 years old and on forced sobriety and after the year I've had, I could really use a beer. I'm tired and bothered and I just want to curl up and watch b-horror movies and forget that my life is emptier now than it was a year ago. And on top of all that, one of my roommates is stealing my milk.
I am done unloading my sob story on you.
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